Shmuel Shulman, Miri Scharf, and Lital Shachar-Shapira
- Published in print:
- 2012
- Published Online:
- May 2012
- ISBN:
- 9780199736546
- eISBN:
- 9780199932443
- Item type:
- chapter
- Publisher:
- Oxford University Press
- DOI:
- 10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199736546.003.0008
- Subject:
- Psychology, Developmental Psychology, Clinical Child Psychology / School Psychology
This chapter examines how parents' own romantic experiences as adolescents serve as models for the way they address their adolescent offspring's romance and sexuality and how this, in turn, shapes ...
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This chapter examines how parents' own romantic experiences as adolescents serve as models for the way they address their adolescent offspring's romance and sexuality and how this, in turn, shapes adolescent romantic behavior. In particular, emerging adolescent romantic interests and activities can reawaken parents' own relationship difficulties and doubts from the past and set the stage for their current parenting. These linkages are examined within a broader conceptual framework, influenced by attachment and psychoanalytic perspectives, that attempts to understand the dynamics of intergenerational transmission of parenting.Less
This chapter examines how parents' own romantic experiences as adolescents serve as models for the way they address their adolescent offspring's romance and sexuality and how this, in turn, shapes adolescent romantic behavior. In particular, emerging adolescent romantic interests and activities can reawaken parents' own relationship difficulties and doubts from the past and set the stage for their current parenting. These linkages are examined within a broader conceptual framework, influenced by attachment and psychoanalytic perspectives, that attempts to understand the dynamics of intergenerational transmission of parenting.
Mari Ruti
- Published in print:
- 2011
- Published Online:
- November 2015
- ISBN:
- 9780231158169
- eISBN:
- 9780231527989
- Item type:
- book
- Publisher:
- Columbia University Press
- DOI:
- 10.7312/columbia/9780231158169.001.0001
- Subject:
- Psychology, Social Psychology
We are conditioned to think that love heals wounds, makes us happy, and gives our lives meaning. When the opposite occurs and love causes fracturing, disenchantment, and existential turmoil, we ...
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We are conditioned to think that love heals wounds, makes us happy, and gives our lives meaning. When the opposite occurs and love causes fracturing, disenchantment, and existential turmoil, we suffer deeply, especially if we feel that love has failed us or that we have failed to experience what others seem so effortlessly to enjoy. This book portrays love as a much more complex, multifaceted phenomenon than we tend to appreciate—an experience that helps us encounter the depths of human existence. Love's ruptures are as important as its triumphs, and sometimes love succeeds because it fails. At the heart of the book's argument is a meditation on interpersonal ethics that acknowledges the inherent opacity of human interiority and the difficulty of taking responsibility for what we cannot fully understand. Yet the fact that humans are often irrational in love does not absolve us of ethical accountability. In the book's view, we must work harder to map the unconscious patterns motivating our romantic behavior. As opposed to popular spiritual approaches urging us to live fully in the now, the book treats the past as a living component of the present. Only when we catch ourselves at those moments when the past speaks in the present can we keep ourselves from hurting the ones we love. Equally important, the book emphasizes transcending our individual histories of pain, an act that allows us to face the unconscious demons that dictate our relational choices.Less
We are conditioned to think that love heals wounds, makes us happy, and gives our lives meaning. When the opposite occurs and love causes fracturing, disenchantment, and existential turmoil, we suffer deeply, especially if we feel that love has failed us or that we have failed to experience what others seem so effortlessly to enjoy. This book portrays love as a much more complex, multifaceted phenomenon than we tend to appreciate—an experience that helps us encounter the depths of human existence. Love's ruptures are as important as its triumphs, and sometimes love succeeds because it fails. At the heart of the book's argument is a meditation on interpersonal ethics that acknowledges the inherent opacity of human interiority and the difficulty of taking responsibility for what we cannot fully understand. Yet the fact that humans are often irrational in love does not absolve us of ethical accountability. In the book's view, we must work harder to map the unconscious patterns motivating our romantic behavior. As opposed to popular spiritual approaches urging us to live fully in the now, the book treats the past as a living component of the present. Only when we catch ourselves at those moments when the past speaks in the present can we keep ourselves from hurting the ones we love. Equally important, the book emphasizes transcending our individual histories of pain, an act that allows us to face the unconscious demons that dictate our relational choices.
